Just met a guy in a coffee shop. When I asked him what he did, he said “Oh, I am a screen writer and an actor. I am the next big thing in hollywood”. He then went on to describe this epic movie he was working on.
I asked, “Do you have a script written, or that you are working on?”
"It’s all up here, in my head"
It’s all good man, I’ll wait for the DVD.
A co-worker once told me that he had a customer approach him who was in awe his body hair. This customer would not leave him alone until he explained how he came about this “amazing” body hair.
Security was called.
In my defense, he looked like a perfect make yeti majestic and powerful. I want(ed) to go to there.
"T’aint nuthin like a spot o’ shine in da mornin ta git all yer parts right. It’s like takin a warm bath in bear pis in da winter!"
— Cousin Jed (via imahickyall)
I hate cats. I hate cats. I hate cats. One just merely rubbed on my leg for like three seconds and now my legs are both broken out from an allergic reaction. Cats just need to stay away from me.
The most evil of all beings.